Not All Abuse is Physical

How to help someone in an abusive relationship

Would you know how to help someone who is being frightened, controlled, hurt or abused by a partner or family member?

For friends and family, it can be really challenging supporting someone who is in an abusive relationship. The most important thing you can do for them is to provide emotional support, listen to and believe them.

Remember, a survivor of domestic abuse is never responsible for what is happening to them. The responsibility always lies with the person who is causing them harm. If someone reaches out to you, acknowledge that they are taking an important and brave step forward by talking to you. Try not to judge the situation. Statements such as 'why don't you leave?' can perpetuate a sense of helplessness and blame. Be mindful of what you say and use language that promotes support, empathy, and empowerment.

A defining characteristic of domestic abuse is control. The person causing harm will have taken away a lot of their control, so try not to do the same. Don't make decisions for them. Let them know that there is support available when they are ready.

The Crime Survey for England and Wales estimates that approximately 1 in 5 adults aged 16 years and over (10.4 million) had experienced domestic abuse, in the year ending March 2022. Reassure them that they are not alone and there are many others in the same situation. Your support could be the key to them feeling believed, supported, and empowered to seek the help that they need.

If you are concerned about a friend or family member you can seek advice from the Surrey Domestic Abuse Helpline on 01483 776822. You can also visit the Surrey Against Domestic Abuse web page.